ryslig inbox

[deadbydawn]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, ASH WILLIAMS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 05.22.09.12 *** ASH WILLIAMS has joined 05.22.09.12 <boomstick69> you've reached the private inbox of the king himself, ashley j. williams ;) <boomstick69> state your name and business and i'll see if i decide to get back to you

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[6am]

[Phil is quiet. He knows why he started following Fog, but he wasn't really keen on telling anyone else. Somehow, it was much easier to lie and say that he was bored, or that he said he was going to join a god anyway, than to tell the truth.

Why was this so hard?]

...Because she promised that I'd never have to go back there. I don't know if it's a coincidence that she took me in when she did but I feel like I had to, you know, thank her somehow. If it means joining a cult, then so be it.

[He suddenly starts to feel extremely uncomfortable after he says that. God, he's just pouring out his entire life story to this virtual stranger. Ash probably thinks he's a complete lunatic or just begging for attention.

Deciding to pivot the conversation, Phil awkwardly shakes his head and clears his throat.]

Wait, so you mentioned dealing with time shit too? What's that about?

[deadbydawn]

[This is a conversation he can deal with. Ash can brag all he wants about this little adventure, all while being sure Phil won't see through his bullshit.]

Oh, I got sucked into a vortex that sent me back to 14th century England, where I got captured and nearly killed before they realized I was the "chosen one" to defeat the army of deadites. Made my metal hand--from scratch, without capacitors or any of that shit--had to go on a whole journey to find the Necronomicon, got split into an evil undead version of me...and met a girl.

[The way he trails off at the end and gazes wistfully into the distance signifies much more than simply "meeting" a girl.]

I could've stayed and been named king. But I decided to come back. I was tired of all the shit I'd put up with, and just wanted a nice, normal life.

[He shrugs.]

It was pretty fucked up. But at least I still had, you know, my body and my dick. Both of which are things the Fog took from me.

[He sounds incredibly bitter about this, perhaps unreasonably so, but he would expect Phil to understand his plight more than anyone else.]

[6am]

[Phil just stares at Ash as he tells his story. He wants to ask if he's being serious but stops himself before he speaks for once. No, he's dealt with enough people calling him crazy for what he's been through to judge like that.

He notices Ash's wistful gaze briefly and exhales.]

You know that wasn't what I expected when you said you dealt with time shit, but god the time stream is a lot more fucked than I thought it was, I guess.

[He's silent for a moment when he brings up Fog again, and he looks unusually thoughtful.]

... Do you want to know a secret?

[He exhales, looking behind him as if worried that Fog herself would pop in at any moment.]

If she took my dick I'd probably hate her too. Wouldn't think about following that shitty kid but there is no way I'd be following her if I was in her shoes.

[This is the dumbest conversation.]

[deadbydawn]

[Ash lets out a singular, harsh HAH.]

It's not like you're required to lick her boots, you know. You don't owe anyone shit for what they've done for you, especially not gods.

[He doesn't want to keep talking about this, but Phil isn't making fun of him or scoffing at his story. Everyone else he's ever told this to has rolled their eyes or called him crazy. He appreciates the fact that Phil's listening, but...he can't bring himself to say that. Not like this. Phil can rattle on about whatever the hell he wants, but Ash? Ash can't, not unless he wants to get burned later down the line.

And as much as he'd like to trust Phil, well...he has to admit to himself that he doesn't really know the guy.]

That kid promised me my body back. I don't care how cool my ghost powers are, I want to be able to chose to not be able to fuck somebody instead of bein' forced to exist in this-- [He makes a vague gesture with his hand.] --limbo.

[6am]

I'm not kissing her boots. For your information my beef with that brat has nothing to do with Fog. I would have done it even if I wasn't following anyone.

[He's quiet for a moment after that. Phil wasn't stupid, he was able to recognize how they both had joined different gods because they promised something that they desperately wanted.

But god he really trusted this horrible kid to do that for him?]

... Wait, couldn't you ask that one guy to- [He cuts himself off. No there's got to be an underlying factor to why he can't ask Mana for a dick yet. If he was in Ash's shoes he knows that would be his first idea.]

Look, I'm not gonna kill ya for supporting that kid, but he's such a little shit. And after doing this [Gestures to himself.] too me, I'm not eager to have my mind changed about it.

[deadbydawn]

Maybe next time you should think twice before you jump into half-baked terrorist plots against, y'know, a god.

[Because of course he needs to get in the last word. As if he isn't himself in the process of coming up with a half-baked terrorist plot against the Fog God. He runs a hand through his hair, looking unsure of himself.]

If I'm bein' honest, from where I'm standin', you seem like an idiot and a half for runnin' off and deciding to get involved with this. But hell, you didn't deserve to have that happen. I mean, the time loop and the Fourth shit.

[Hypocrite.]

[6am]

When have I ever thought twice on anything?

[He half heartedly laughs.]

Isn't that just my life though? I'm a moron who doesn't give a shit about anything and I get a grossly overblown punishment because of it.

[Out of the frying pan...]

... Thanks for not kicking me out, I guess. And sorry about the shit going on with you. If I just got back from being stuck in medieval times to modern day I'd probably wanna get away from this backwards universe too.

[deadbydawn]

Ain't that just the way for guys like us?

[He's all too aware of this. The ultimate punishment for being a moron, minding his own business, when he gets slapped over the head with the cruelest twist of fate. His friends, gone. His sister, gone. His girlfriend, gone. A never-ending road of horror and shitty scenarios, this one included.

He lets out a huff, shaking his head.]

Hey. You know what might help take the edge off all this?

[He winks.]

[6am]

We really are just the universe's playthings are we?

[Genuinely, Phil couldn't think of any people he actually missed from before the time loop. He was in such a deep depression by the end of it he didn't even care about getting back to his old life, he just wanted out. And now he has people he cares about and now fate decided to twist itself again to make him suffer. Like the universe knew he was finally feeling happy again and wanted to drag him back.

... He hoped it didn't come to that. He would do anything not to be back in the pit he was in.

Ash's words drag him out of his thoughts, and Phil gives him a smug grin.]

I suppose I should give you a nice thank you for letting me stay here for a bit. What kind of guest would I be if I didn't give my host a nice gift?

[He winks back and holds out is hand. This is how normal people deal with trauma I guess.]

[deadbydawn]

[Normal people, doing normal things, in an essentially abandoned house. Ash smirks, reaching out without thinking much of it. His hand passes through Phil's, and a burst of static courses through his arm as he does so.

Right. His brow furrows as he concentrates, trying again. This time, he makes contact, his fingers wrapping around Phil's. He can at least pretend like he's not living in the worst fucking situation he could possibly imagine.

He pauses, suddenly feeling self-conscious about his surroundings. That's fine. They'll both survive.]

To the bedroom, then.

[Maybe this'll be the push he needs to actually get a new bedframe...?]