ryslig inbox

[deadbydawn]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, ASH WILLIAMS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 05.22.09.12 *** ASH WILLIAMS has joined 05.22.09.12 <boomstick69> you've reached the private inbox of the king himself, ashley j. williams ;) <boomstick69> state your name and business and i'll see if i decide to get back to you

Comments

< DrLeech >

[lizardgurl4sale]

There once was a boy who was a Halloween fanatic. He loved dressing up for Halloween, he loved pulling pranks and watching horror movies, and above everything else... he loved candy. One fateful year, while he went trick-or-treating, he visited a house. This house was creepy as hell! It was big, it was old, it smelled like a grandmother and it was owned by a happy, old rich couple. The boy came here thinking that he would be handed out big chocolate bars, because it was a rich person's house but when he knocked on their door... he was handed a bag of that shitty candy that nobody likes! Tootsie rolls, shitty flavoured dum-dums, those weird... peanut things... needless to say, the boy was heartbroken. He was so heartbroken that he died, right there on their porch and now, every Halloween he goes out and finds people to curse. He wants everyone to suffer the same way he did!

Everybody is already suffering from his curse!! Send this to ten people to break the curse, or to avoid getting cursed, or you'll be stuck looking freakier than usual for the rest of your life!!!!!!!!!!

<nightshade> || Backdated to late 9/3

[primordialerebus]

what date is it????

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

uh november 3rd

why do you ask

did you have a rager or something and forget everything? happens to me all the time

Re: <boomstick69>

[primordialerebus]

no

i just woke up in a fucking graveyard

and a month is just gone

fuck

<GiggleGrrl> - Morning, January 14th

[fantabulousandwich]

This is your OFFICIAL notification that the monster pinup calendar photoshoot has been delayed to January 18th, owing to blizzards, burning, alien flesh parasites, and death. Sorry for the short notice, but your friendly neighborhood organizers were trapped in a death hotel, so. Come on, are you really surprised?

In the meantime, this gives YOU more time to think about the shoot! As you're a Shade, your calendar month will be September, with the theme of Autumn. At least it's supposed to be Autumn... for some reason I've got a note here to provide you a chainsaw? Don't do a lumberjack thing, you might upset the Nymphs.

If you have any questions or concerns, or if you died and need to be excused, let us know.

- Harley Quinn

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

oh hell yes. i can totally do sexy september shit

are we gonna be able to see the pics before they get published or

<GiggleGrrl>

[fantabulousandwich]

Unfortunately not; it's not like these are digital cameras and we can turn them around to show you the preview. We're talking genuine 100% authentic film, here; we won't know what we're working with until the photographer works their magic.

I'll tell you what though, I've got a Polaroid camera! I could snap a couple of picks of your pose, for that instant gratification. What do you say?

<goodweather> post Fourth punishment

[6am]

Hey uh, Ash?

This is nothing to worry about but can I come visit your place? This isn't a sex thing this time. I think something's wrong with me and I think I've done enough suffering alone to last a lifetime.

I promise I won't eat you, for the record.

[Comforting!]

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

[Ash receives the message and squints at it for a solid thirty seconds. He really doesn't want to deal with Phil's problems, but he'll look like a prick if he says no.]

you couldnt eat me if you tried but okay

yeah you can come over ill give you my address

[He casts a glance around the room that he's currently in. Beyond the dim illumination from the laptop screen light, the house is completely, utterly dark. Shades don't need to pay for power bills, or heat, or water, for that matter. Shades especially don't need to clean.

Needless to say, the house is in no state to receive guests. With a light sigh, he begins reluctantly picking up month-old trash from the ground to toss out the window.]

<PREMIUM_EVERCLEAR>

[wheresmyjuul]

I'm told you're the man to speak to in regards to Pink Fuck.



I have a proposition for you.

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

yes youre speaking to the proprietary creator of pink fuck

one of them, at least, the other guy fortunately isnt in this hellhole

what can i do for you? ;)

< djinn&tonic > (backdated to early November)

[joiseydevil]

Yo my name is DJ we haven’t met yet but I gotta ask

On the network you mentioned drugs tf you got?

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

oh hell yeah nice to meet ya dj

ive got a lotta shit, what are you looking for? weed, booze, ketamine

actually maybe scratch the ketamine because i need to use it to make more pink fuck but that just means pink fuck is the option here

[None of which he can partake in without the assistance of another person, of course. But he keeps it just in case.]

<goodweather>

[6am]

Hey Ash quick proposal.

I'll let you use my body to get as wasted as possible if you possess me and eat a soul while inside me

[He refuses to beat around the bush.]

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

[There's basically no delay before a response pops up on the screen.]

oh hell yeah i can do that

just tell me when and where

<chimera> CALENDAR THEME

[boneshears]

Thanks for taking part in the pin up calendar! Your theme is: OCTOBER / HALLOWEEN

<boomstick69>

[deadbydawn]

question

are we allowed to bring our own props

<KrisKringle>

[getmeoutofthedraft]

Ho ho ho! Merry freaking Christmas!

Your Secret Santa recipient this year is Cairo Don't-Know-Her-Last-Name ("RiverInEgypt" on the network, quality pun that girl). Please buy, make, or otherwise procure her a nice gift before December 26! You can give this directly, or label it clearly and drop it off at Crowe Clinic C/O Hawkeye Pierce.

Remember: Saint Nick is watching, and he knows where you live!

Happy Holidays, etcetera, and so forth,
Santa Claus

forward dated - 24th

[wheresmyjuul]

It's badly wrapped. He'll tell Ash to fuck off if it's commented on, however. Inside the roughly wrapped package the first thing that's immediately noticeable is a flag. But perhaps more important is the bottle it's wrapped around. This faintly glowing, bright red drink is nearly painful to look at, but is clearly Red Alert with a difference.

The label on this bottle is white, with raised silver writing spelling out Premium White Label embossed beneath the logo. This Red Alert's had a bit of a remix, with champagne to give it a fizz and a rigorous dosing of LSD in liquid form to give it an extra zing.

Happy Nattensfest, Ash.

MERRY CHRYSLER YA FILTHY ANIMAL

[bestforyou]

[Likewise, Cairo doesn't actually like... know where Ash lives? So she left it at the clinic. She is marginally more aware of what he's like though, which includes knowing that he's a shade.

So, despite not really understanding how a shade is going to carry it off or anything, Cairo made up a little gift basket. It's addressed Merry Christmas, Ash. xoxo Santa in neat block letters. The basket itself actually looks like something leftover from Halloween, maybe? It's black and goth, which has carried into the way it's wrapped in black cellophane with a blood red bow. Festive!

The not thoughtful part of her gift is the jar of rosemary scented bath salts. Well, no. Actually, she put a lot of thought into that one and she thought it would be funny to get a ghost salt. Nobody ever said she was, like, a good person? It's fine. It's not the only thing in the basket, at least. The thoughtful (?) part of the gift is a bacon scented candle, because she figured that being able to waft the scent of meat into your face is kind of like eating?

There's also a pack of matches in there, but the bulk of the basket is taken up by the rectangular object carefully wrapped in a black towel with little ghosts embroidered along the edge. It's a suncatcher made of bits of broken beer bottles, melted together. The background is mainly green glass, but the center is brown arranged in the shape of a bull. A bull silhouette seemed easier and more recognizable than a boar.]

MERR CRISIS

[endlesspastability]

[there's an envelope left for Ash!!

It's a plain white card with a big hand drawn "69" on the front. Inside, it says:

"Haha, NICE.

Happy nattenwhatever!

from Blueblur69"

There's also a bright pink sticky hand shoved into the envelope]

Christmas

[joiseydevil]

[Does DJ necessarily know Ash as a good good friend? Ehhhh.

Did he let the guy climb inside him while they were both off their shits on a mixture of cocaine and dangerous liquids? Abso-fucking-lutely. So he thinks that counts.

So, around late mid-day, Ash's place of residence resounds with a knock on the door. DJ's gone by the time the door swings open, because Ash doesn't seem like the type who receives gifts well and he'd like to side step that awkward.

But there's a large container that might be intended to be a huge glass vase but there aren't quart containers in Ryslig. So it's serving the new purpose of being covered safely and filled to the brim with a hot and extremely good smelling jambalaya. The mixture of 'meat,' veggies, and intense spices escapes even through the covering.

There's a note in the seam of the door.
Ash
Thanks for gettin' me fucked up. I dunno if shades can eat, but everybody likes soup. Figured it might be comforting. It's hot as fuck, but I hope that's a plus.

Deej ]

christmas!

[hopesong]

[There's an envelope left for Ash outside his door, with a toy lizard sitting on top of it with a cute santa hat on top.

Inside the envelope is a letter that reads:

Hope you're doing well. Hard to imagine you aren't, but just in case, I hope you don't mind getting a gift from someone who knows you a little more than you know them.

Merry Christmas! I'll see if I can't figure out a better present for you later, I'm a bit out of the loop when it comes to gift giving.

-Kate]

nattensfest 2021.

[devilsproof]

[from beatrice, ash receives an extremely corporeal, uniquely heavy fleshlight. damn, are there ball bearings in this thing? ganbatte (:]

nattensfest 2021.

[gitanes]

[from lila, ash receives a scrawled map of monster-run businesses in bavan and what their function is, titled "NONE OF THESE ARE TITTY BARS SO CALM YOURS". also an unflattering sketch of javert in the jail on said map.